clover's Journal

motion
Life is a series if motions,
You decide the direction it goes!

Yes Clover is back...
and a hell of alot wiser!

I have been on a voyage throu myself and back again and I think it was way overdue. I just hope I don't have to do that again in this life time!

Taking the time to recognize ones faults, and making an effort to change them is what I have set into motion. I have just resently embarked on a major expodition throu my mind to repair the damage that life has impossed on my thought and way of life.

I set myself in motion!

Current Mood: wiser
Current Music: life outside of window

R-R-R frustration and all that jazz!
I hate being sick on the weekends, but I found the problem! I found myself feeling extremely ill this morning. I felt like I had a hang-over but I didn't drink last night so that couldn't be it. So I took a personal inventory of myself and realized that I have been drinking way to much caffine lately and I forgot to take my meds yesterday. So my Sinus infection is back and worse than ever. I am so sorry that I missed out on the B-BQ, but know I know what went wrong and it won't happen again!
Regretfully and frustrated, ouch my head hurts... I hate caffine withdrawls!
see ya!

Current Mood: ill
Current Music: city life outside window

ill but grateful
It's been a while since I've been on Livejournal so bare with me!

I think the reason I have come down with a sinus bug is because I have had a little to much stress in my life!
I just recently went throu a major overhall in my life and I now reside in East Boston. Things are mostly quiet except for when a jetliner passes over head!
Now in the past I have been told by a number of people that my mind and body work in strange ways. When I am happy I seem to glow and the light that eminates from me not just eluminates my life but others as well. The down side of this is when ever I am troubled my body seems to pay for it dearly!
Is this connection a curse or a blessing in disguise?

I am happy that I stayed in last night, gave me a chance to figure out some issues and gave me hope for the up coming future. All though I hate missing out on tripps, this was a wise decision. But I didn't come to this decision on my own. You know you have true friends when they tell you need to stay home and rest.... and I Thank you very much!
As for the stress time will only tell, but I bet a few Masterpieces will be the end result!
Good night all!!!

Current Mood: but recovering nicely
Current Music: my minds whispers and thoughts

Are you building or destroying bridges?
Through out time people have created and destroyed some the most precious gifts two people can share. Fortunatly in my situation the bridges of a beautiful life long friendship that has no boundries is being forged.
Some find this to be convenient and temporary, or something that should be display than discarded once bord. Denial is a soul killer in my book. The disreguard of a other peoples feelings and lack of respect to ones fellow beings is a perment mark that no even Karma and time can repair.
We are being of energy and light, feelings, emotions and much much more, and as time moves on more is revealed. But if this is abused and cast a side.. it is up to that person that destroyed those bridges in the first place to pick it again!
It's up to you???

Current Mood: in tune
Current Music: Karma..delerium

long over due....
Days and night have flown past and I look at them with wondering what I did, I can barely remember some of them. I have been trying to keep my head above the water for some time know. I feel like I'm drowning most of the time.
Nights in my own home seem to be displays of boundaries and whos who's and what's what. I did bring this on myself thats why I haven't been talking about it with anyone. The only person that has been even mildly involved is a dear new friend named Sin.
My job for now is secure and looking for an apartment is one of the things thats consuming my time the most!
I am most of the time happy, and content but lastnight things changed drastcally. I was threatened in my home and so was my house guest. So in few I will going to the police to fill a report. I have it all recorded on my cell phone. This only the tip of the ice-berg... this is why I haven't been around or present on live journal is because my mind and spirit is a little flighty, confused and disstressed.
I don't want to involve anyone that doesn't know the whole story, or anyone that doesn't bother to listen!(I will not seek people out!)

Current Mood: discordant
Current Music: empired-vnv nation

swirling matters....
nothing here to report or deep thoughts but a lot of noise. Sometimes my mind is just noisey, it's hard to concentrate when I'm like this.(Grand Central Station is a picnic compared to this!)
I have neither choirs or care to do anything artsy tonight, and nothing on TV looks mildly interesting either. So I figured that writing would be my best option right now!
I do on the other hand have plenty of thoughts, ideas and pressing matters to attend..sigh. Well here goes...
May-be after the fog in my head clears there will be a masterpeice waitting on the other side. I can only hope right now!

perfect
I had a beautiful day yesterday... I woke up late and lazed around the house until late afternoon. Than Mike and I window shopped near the Capital theater, we had coffee at Uno in Havard square.
Than things just got better, I found a pin striped suit in Filenes Basement for some rediculously cheap price and had a wonderful dinner at this Bagel shop facing the Boston Common. We ended the evening by seeing " The Clone Wars. It was a perfect day!
But this morning was a different story, I was hoping that vibe would continue, but the feeling I got this morning was Chaos and Hatred as I awoke this morning!
As I was leaving for church I noticed more of my plants have been vandalized and damaged. The weather is not helping matters either. I reufse to beleive that this intentional but I am starting to lose faith that people are genuinly good at the core!
My patience is dwindling between my job and my private dreams being impinged upon!
So I'm sorry if I am a little anti- social for a couple days!
I am trying to learn how to not push my feeling upon other people that close to me especialy the ones I love and deeply respect. These are the people I always tend to piss off the most when I'm in one of these moods. So forgive me!

Current Mood: overwrought
Current Music: London After Midnight (gift from Percy)

New Clover
I have been a little busy with gardening, work, looking for a new job that pays more, and getting started on an exercise prgram that I have been forgetting to up date my live journal. I'm not blowing people off or depressed, I'm just tired of complaining about my life. So I woke up on Tuesday and decided to get started on a new one!
I am still Clover but the laziness is going bye-bye!
I like this...

Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: Front 242 -Tyranny for You (one of my favorities)

Never thought
I listen to my music this morning and meditate on the action of the theives that stole my statue. I would have liked to be at church today but because of my cough, I don't want to be disruptive!
I don't think my statue was stolen was becasue someone wanted to be cruel. I think they where thinking the same thing when I said at Pembertons, " Cool, I want that!"
But I on the other hand I am not a theif, so I bought the statue. I didn't think it was that expensive either. I refuse to let this sit on me thou and ruin the fact that I have a kick ass garden!
I will send the Karma on it's way and realize that the statue is in new hands!(heheh) Get it?
The Music I am listening to is very fitting for the mood!
I will admit, I am mildly courious as to what was going through the theives mind as they stole my statue?

Well my friend Kahterine will be here shortly to help complete my garden, I should get going soon!

Current Mood: ponderous
Current Music: Front 242 -Tyranny for You

anticipation
All week I have been looking forward to one thing. I plotted and planned over where everything is going to go!
Now the day is here and I have some much to do that I'm slightly overwhelmed!
The project is making the front court yard of the apartment building that I live in attractive and easy to water at the same time. This is not any easy task because their is no outdoor water source. Everything in my garden that I am setting up today will have to be watered from buckets, and by Mother nature!
Well we'll see how this works out. Some of the plants I got don't care for much water like my Sage and Rosemarie. But on the other hand Chamomile and Columbines are water hogs. This will be interesting indeed!
I'm off to the Hardware store near my house they have wonderful prices on soil, cow crap and peat moss. The only thing they don't carry is rocks and containers. That's where Pembertons comes in!
Yes!!!!!
Well later all!

past and present....
I feel the past swirling around behind my eyes, sometimes it interfers with the present making it hard to even swallow. My eyes burn and the tears will run. I cry for those I have lost but the freshest one is giving life and than having to give it away!
Yes, Clover has a son, he so beautiful!
The last I saw of Charles, was when he was two years of age. He will be turning 5 on the 30th of this month... My heart aches, but I can't tell the family that adopted him that I want more pictures!
Every time I pick up a pen to compose a letter, I lose composure and start to cry. There is some much I want to say to them but it would violate the contract I agreed apon. I'm bound by law not to make any demands apon the adoptive parents. Nor can I infringe apon their privacy!
The pain is still very new in my mind, the marks on my belly are fading but the lashes on my heart tells another story!
Water Fire was a good time to lament but rejoice at the same time... grief is a difficult one. I can feel relieved, sad, overwhelmed and broken all at the same time. At that moment I think I have gone over the edge, drowning in feelings of dispear. The peace comes, in huge waves. I panic and gasp for air. Slowly the clouds clear, the storm rests once again inside of my mind..it leaves me feeling alone but content once more. I know the pain will return when I find a photo, the remains of letter I stuffed in drawer or an old articule of clothing. But I know that I can get past this one moment!
Thats a start!
Water Fire was that peace and I am some happy for that beautiful evening. The company I was with was wonderful. I was able to intellegent conversations with people that I feel actualy care about what I say and that means worlds to me!
Thank you... I hope the future I can do the same for all my friends!
I am at peace for the first time in ages!

Current Mood: content
Current Music: goth voices-A Feather on The Breath of God

past and present....
I feel the past swirling around behind my eyes, sometimes it interfers with the present making it hard to even swallow. My eyes burn and the tears will run. I cry for those I have lost but the freshest one is giving life and than having to give it away!
Yes, Clover has a son, he so beautiful!
The last I saw of Charles, was when he was two years of age. He will be turning 5 on the 30th of this month... My heart aches, but I can't tell the family that adopted him that I want more pictures!
Everytime I pick up a pen to compose a letter, I lose composure and start to cry. There is some much I want to say to them but it would violate the contract I agreed apon. I'm bound by law not to make any demands apon the adoptive parents. Nor can I infringe apon their privacy!
The pain is still very new in my mind, the marks on my belly are fading but the lashes on my heart tells another story!
Water Fire was a good time to lament but rejoice at the same time... grief is a difficult one. I can feel relieved, sad, overwhelmed and broken all at the same time. At that moment I think I have gone over the edge, drowning in feelings of dispear. The peace comes, in huge waves. I panic and gasp for air. Slowly the clouds clear, the storm rests once again inside of my mind..it leaves me feeling alone but content once more. I know the pain will return when I find a photo, the remains of letter I stuffed in drawer or an old articule of clothing. But I know that I can get past this one moment!
Thats a start!
Water Fire was that peace and I am some happy for that beautiful evening. The company I was with was wonderful. I was able to intellegent conversations with people that I feel actualy care about what I say and that means worlds to me!
Thank you... I hope the future I can do the same for all my friends!
I am at peace for the first time in ages!

Current Mood: content
Current Music: goth voices-A Feather on The Breath of God

restless
I feel overloaded from work and need to forget the monotiny... time to expend creative engery. I think I will start on the sewing I've been meaning to finish forever and a day!
Does anybody else feel like this?

Current Mood: wired
Current Music: front 242..Front by Front

botany to the extreme...
I am taking gardening to a different level this year. I'm going to see if I can get all of my veggies and herbs to be healthy and protected strictly by organic methods!
My hypothis, is that I can raise organic herbs, and veggies that are more balanced and nutritious for human consumption. If I am able to do gardening on a small scale than I should be able to do gardening projects that use strictly organic and high tech methods in my own back yard. That is once I own a home!
I will need to keep in track of my expenditures, rates of plant growth and research. If I can keep up with all the logs and data I might very well be able to pass this knowledge on to others!
What is even more entertaining to me that gardening is based on common sense, experience and patience. Ya,I could study, take notes and bore myself to death with all the advise professional gardeners write about or I could get out there and get my hand dirty learning from personal experience. I prefer the ladder myself!
If I sound a little off my rocker, I might be. But at least I am interested in something that will build skills for later!
I remember how I used to sit at work last year when I had started my first garden and couldn't wait to get home to my garden.That feeling I got when my plants started to bare fruits and veggies, I have felt that feeling when I had completed a master peice of Art!
And thats exactly what is it, a Botanical art to the extreme!

Current Mood: psyched
Current Music: covenent

music and the past...
The Past has interesting ways of presenting it's self!
Be it the way a scent of a perfume takes you to a place you had been or when a face you hadn't seen in many years says hi!
The past always overwhelms me when this happens....welcome to my blast from my past!

I didn't plan on going but, I went to the Middle East last night with Percy, Leila and Todd. We where planning on seeing the Eletric Hellfire Club a few other bands and got a huge blast from the past. Oh how sweet it was too!
I was pleased to see that Seraphim Shock has suceeded as a band and is now touring!
I had actualy been talking about them with a few friends a few weeks ago saying," That if anyone deserved to make it, it would be them!"
There is nothing better than being proven right.The satifaction I got from see them so wonderful...
What a rush, to see them on stage again, I couldn't believe it at first. I hed seen them play at the Mercury Cafe in Denver and a few other times I had seen them at this art gallery like place... I can't even remeber the name it was awhile ago!
I thank you for the stroll down memery lane, I quite enjoyed it. As a matter of a fact I wish to aquire some of their music and may-be a t-shirt too!
I'm still a little ah-struck. But now all that is starting to settle in, is the need to go see Colorado. I a little homesick!
It's not a bad thing, it's just that place holds some many memories and events in my life. Colorado is either loved or hated by the people who live there. It's strange with me, when I'm there I can't wait to leave but I long to go back and vistit!

Here's to Seraphem Shock people!
Ya, Boston this is a little taste of my world and one hell of a crazy but awesome past!!!!!!
Enjoy!!!!

Current Mood: psyched
Current Music: Xymox...Metamorphosis

blank....
not today folks sorry, Clover is all dry!
I really don't have anything insightful to say today. I felt my brain in bed, it's Saturday, need I say more!

Current Mood: empty
Current Music: fifth element sound track

charged
I am awake...
The springtime has arrived and so has my allergies, oh well!
I feel like I have awoken from a long slumber of winter. The trees are gaining color and so am I. I feel my heart lift as the ice and cold of the winter melt as to reveal soft petals and mellow dowy mornings.
Yes I can feel my heart stretch out to flex its crampted muscles. Smell the soft fragrances of spring.(I sneeze)Oh well.
The cold colors of winter are gone and the greens, yellow, golds, the rainbows are returning and so will STORMS.
I feel my arms stretch for the skies in doing this the spines in my back crack. The grass under my toes tickle as it finds it's way between them. I smile!
I bend down and pick up the boys and get ready to take them in (my ferrets) but I turn one more time and squint toward the sky. Damn I forgot lost my glasses, so I can't be out long. I was hoping to get a glimps of this storm I feel.
It's coming... oh I can feel in every fiber of my being. The kind that makes you shiver but excited, it's almost primal, but so spritual that I could taste the metalic content in the air. Yes I know this it's just change but a magnificent event. It may be sweet to some and extremely bitter to others. Than again I am a water sign, I am heavly affected by the weather. I could just by an ordinary lighting storm. But something is different this time!
I test the air, hope for the best!
I go inside to dream!

Current Mood: charged
Current Music: best of strings..classical

Windows in Reality
I haven't had enough time to really learn much about livejournal, but from I see I can understand why people could through time get addicted. I'm sure I will!
But thats not actualy what's on my mind....Have you ever just let your mind go where it wants?
I know this sounds silly to ask but you can find lots of truth in it, I like to let my mind go once in while. Let me feet grow wings or travel in between thoughts. There is a plan of existance there. Where I believe our conscience lives, it's suspended between whats to beleived as your soul and your mind. It connects you to your heart and if you hold still enough you feel it stir when you exhale!
Sounds strange, I've been there. Not in dreams but when I have ideas or conflicting emotions. When I create things they come from that plain of thought. I know when I sleep I go there too. Sometimes when the wind blows I can feel it on my other face, the other windows or eyes that face is still me but but somewhere else, it can feel it too and smiles!
...The world turns again as the wind blows and another secret of this reality is revealed to me!....ACM

Current Mood: aware
Current Music: the bus outside my window

I have been learning how to use this blasted thing...it's not hard. I'm just new, so will take some getting used to. This is actually fun, and enjoyable!
Well I've said my piece, gotta run!

Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: Violins and piano, The Devil's Trill

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